Measurements
- Manager: ...so then you add a 1/4 cup of oil to the sauce and mix it up.
- Employee: Do I use this? (holds up a measuring cup)
- Manager: Oh, no. Not that one. That is 1/8 cup. You need to make sure you use a 1/4 cup.
- Me: He can use that one. He just needs to double it.
- Manager: The recipe calls for 1/4 cup of oil. He needs to use the correct measuring cup to do that.
- Me: Yeah, but 1/8 plus 1/8 is 1/4.
- Manager: Yeah, but he has to use the 1/4 cup.
- Me: Okay. Sure. Whatever.
The English language is comprised of approximately 171,476 words in their most basic forms. There are a lot more if you count slang, plural, obsolete and derivative words, but that does nothing more than complicates things. The point of the matter is, despite all of these wonderfully intricate words, that the human race can be summed up in one word.
Stupid.
—Me
Pronunciation
- Employee: What is that word...? Meanuss?
- Me: What? What word? That word? Menus?
- Employee: Hah. Oh. Yeah...
Perfect? Hell no.
- Employee: Why do you always find something that I am doing wrong? You know, you aren't perfect either.
- Me: Oh goodness, no. I know I am not perfect. I just like to make sure you know that you are not perfect either.
Home Safety
- Nurse: This patient needs to be seen immediately.
- Me: Okay. What patient?
- Nurse: The patient in 3[mumbles].
- Me: The patient in what room?
- Nurse: 3[mumbles]!
- Me: 390?
- Nurse: Yes. That is what I said.
- Me: Okay, well we do not have any orders for that patient.
- Nurse: Ugh. Okay. Let me call the doctor.
- [Nurse hangs up and then calls back.]
- Me: Hello?
- Nurse: I am looking at the orders right now.
- Me: For the patient in 390?
- Nurse: No! The patient in 350!
- Me: When I asked you before you said 390.
- Nurse: No, I said 350.
- Me: Okay, sure. Well, we do have orders for that patient, so...
- Nurse: I know you do! I am looking at them! This patient needs to be seen immediately.
- Me: Alright. I will page one of the therapists and make sure that they get to the patient as soon as possible.
- Nurse: This patient needs to be seen now. He fell last night. We need to make sure the patient is safe to go home.
- Me: Wait... The patient fell. And you want to send this patient home?
- Nurse: Yes.
‘What is the longest muscle in the body?’ Oh! I know this! I broke this! Your femur!
—Employee
